Saturday, February 4, 2017
The Lifesaving Choice Every Addict Must Make
I don’t know what the thought process is like for a normal person, a non-addict. I have shown addict behavior since I was 7 years old. It is the only way my brain has EVER worked. It seems as though I was born with a self destruct button in my mind and a life long overwhelming desire to push it, again and again… and again. For 40 years, I pushed that button and crawled and scratched my way through life. I’m a good person, and I have always wanted good things, to live like those I saw around me, I just didn’t know how. Normal life is a concept I could never grasp. So I fought…and struggled and fought some more to have the life I was “supposed” to live.
The end of the road for me, my “bottom” as some would call it, was not pretty. I was a disaster and near death. I had lost my children, my family, my sanity, my ability to support myself, and my spiritual protection. I had lost everything but the air in my lungs. Life was unbearable and due to the people I ended up around, it was extremely dangerous. All I wanted was to be home with my family and I had no idea how to get there. I’d been doing this dance with destruction for 40 years… that’s a long time. Most said I was a lost cause. My own family had grieved me as if I were dead. I knew I was at the end of my life.
Something inside me finally relented. I surrendered. I began to get on my knees and pray. When one is as far into addiction as I was, it takes time for light to find its way into those dark places. I had to surrender again and again..over and over. After some time, miracles began to happen around me. I began to think clearer, my family started to feel sparks of hope, opportunities for change became visible through the dark thick fog I was in. I’ve been able to put one day of sobriety together with another. There was a time, not so long ago, I needed several chemicals in my body in order to get out of bed. To this day, God is leading the way out of the darkness for me one step at a time.
I truly believe, that the moment that one completely surrenders to God’s will is the most important choice that an addict (or human) makes. It IS the moment that will save an addicts life.
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